Sunday, 3rd June

Can you imagine being without me? (I heard myself say) And then: I feel I'm spending too much energy on struggling for our relationship. I'm not living it - how should I? You're thousands of distances away from me. (Put yourself together!)
You stay calm - as always. (I cry now.)
We should first - (your usual reaction) - and then we'll decide on what to do.
You're right, actually.
And then you say what you've said for a fuckin hundred of times and still you don't seem to understand I'm not listening any more.

I stand by and I see it all decline and I don't know what to do. I promised to stay with you for ever and so I must go on walking with you- behind you? - but I can't move. I stand still, empty mind, and I want to tell you that it's over. Right now, right here in this ugly cinema in front of everyone watching this silly English comedian.

At the same night you tell me you want me to become your "wife" - it's been one of the happiest days in your lifetime - (I want to say: What day are you talking about?) - but sorrow and greenness are choking me - (You wouldn't know why I'm asking) - your eyes full of expectation you try to read my mind - (And I'd wish you'd know what it tried to tell you) - and I say - You got a piece of popcorn on your nose and it looks damn foolish - and I remove it and you laugh.